After a couple of years working with no plans for the future, I find myself wondering, What do I want to be when I grow up? Where do I start and how the heck am I going to get there. Being unemployed has made me take a long hard look at these questions and going nowhere fast. The only things I know for sure are that if I could make a living doing my favorite thing I would be the happiest woman on land and sea. If I could read and make a decent living just reading I would be extremely happy and whole. Since I know this is not possible as least as far as I have found, I must keep searching for what else motivates me.
Over the last two years, I stopped writing completely, finding that the work I was doing took all my mental capacity and left me drained. I was drinking heavily and making poor choices. Now my hubby and I are in the middle of the Whole30(r) program. My body shape is changing, clothes are fitting(a nice side effect), I’m sleeping, dreaming and thinking about what comes next. Do I want a typical job, or do I want another contract or do I want to take a risk and work for myself and what would that look like? At the moment, none of these options appeal to me enough to motivate me to make a choice.
After taking numerous personality tests online, I have learned things about myself that I never had the courage to admit. I am wondering what happened to that girl who was going to concur the world, that woman who was fearless, that spouse who was more caring, that mother who was more giving. Where did she go and how the hell do I get her back?